October 2016, One9 Offices-

Info reaching my desk tells me that Ruto and Boniface Mwangi are on a see- saw….

Ndio nikakumbuka hii story

In the formative years of the 21st Century, I happened, by chance, to be a popular name in Box 1. Not that people loved, no. Actually, the opposite was quite true.

But I had a number of things that people wanted. Needed almost. I had a good rapport with the watchmen, so I could always be trusted to deliver extra tasty food from staffroom and kitchen leftovers. I always had a booklet of writing pads and envelopes, I could carve a good calligraphy and my English was good, so I was quite resourceful on the dating scene. I hailed from around the school so…you get the grind.

As such, my influence grew beyond the school borders to…Kangaru Girls. Mecca. Just like that…popping into a group mail here, ‘say halla to your deskie,’ there, ‘my beddie says hi, btw he is the one who does this calig.’ Writing a PS there…

So, on this one instance, we posed for a group photo which we intended to send to Mecca for hook-ups. Everyone brought their A-game to the shoot, complete with borrowed ‘Tj-Tj’ sharp-shooters and shiny buckle belts. We then labelled each face on the picture, 1-15, then indicated at the back of the photograph the name of each number and the preferred type of girl.

I was number 7- like my school team jersey then- looking for a ‘hagalicious, chocolate dark, classy chic who loves fun and adventure.’

Then we recycled a postage stamp and sent our mail.

And waited.

A week later, the school mail was delivered per routine. You know the excitement.

One thing struck us immediately. While everyone had a tick and a girl’s name against their face, my face was crossed with an X and below it the inscription ‘Tunakujua.’

I was shell-shocked and angry at the same time. Shocked because I was scandal-free as far as I was concerned. I had always kept my tracks clean or well covered. Sad because they had crossed my face out in the only pic I ever put in an effort to look nice. Worse still, they had scarred my public image, literally. And the boys were having a field day roasting me.

But boys are a team. After the roasting, we were one, we decided to hit back.

So we sat and drafted this letter:

Wabaddest
C/o Box 1- 60103
Runyenjes

Form III
Mecca
Box __-60100
Embu

Re: Denting our client’s public image

We have noted with great and grave concern your act of crossing out our client’s image in a group photo sent to you, dated 24th May, in which you were requested to hook our client up with female company from your institution.

We are irked by the kind of undiplomatic response you gave to our client, and even more by the means you used to respond. By crossing out his face in a picture also containing 14 comrades, our client suffered and continues to suffer a public blackout, which is injurious to his socialite career.

We, on behalf of our client, demand that you issue an apology of equal weight, along with a hook up with a girl of his choice. This should be done by the 4th of June, failure to which we will institute proceedings of a diss track against your school, on behalf of our client.

Wabaddest,
For
Wabaddest
cc. Mubaddest VII

 

The response we got is coming in due time

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